Madison County Airport Closed for Foreseeable Future Due to Ongoing Amy McGrath Campaign Filming

RICHMOND — The Madison County Airport has been temporarily closed “until further notice” as Democratic Senate candidate Amy McGrath begins production on what officials describe as “a multi-week, ten million dollar cinematic retelling of her being a mom, a Marine, and a fighter pilot.”

Airport staff told The Observer they were given no warning before McGrath's campaign arrived “with three jets, a full film crew, and a very determined soccer mom wearing aviators.”

“She said she needed to land at least seventeen times,” said airport manager Dale Perkins. “Apparently that's how many different camera angles she's using to remind folks she was a Marine. I guess we're grounded till she's done.”

Witnesses reported seeing McGrath jogging down the runway holding a soccer ball while yelling, “For Kentucky!” as a fog machine and sounds of “Lights! Camera! Action!” filled the hangar.

Former Senator Mitch McConnell, who is not running this cycle, weighed in after crawling out of a pond somewhere in Washington.

“Every time I hear a jet roar, I know it's happening again,” McConnell croaked. “You think it's over, then she comes barreling down the runway talking about being a mom, a Marine, and a fighter pilot. I'm going back into my shell for awhile.”

McConnell reportedly blinked slowly, and then approximately two minutes and forty-three seconds later added, “I wish she'd run somewhere else… like Venezuela.”

Current Congressman Andy Barr — McGrath's likely opponent — also commented, though his remarks made clear he has mastered the art of saying a whole lot of nothing.

“Every time she runs, I just wait for the commercial where she climbs into the jet again,” Barr said. “By the time she's done taxiing down the runway talking about being a Marine, the election's already over.”

When asked if he'd be holding any public town halls or campaign events during the election cycle, Barr said he was “currently reviewing the possibility of maybe scheduling one if time permits,” before admitting, “I usually just wait for Mitch, Trump, or the fine folks down at AIPAC to tell me what to do. It's easier that way. Less turbulence.”

“She said she needed to land at least seventeen times. Apparently that's how many different camera angles she's using to remind folks she was a Marine. I guess we're grounded till she's done.”

— DALE PERKINS, AIRPORT MANAGER

Campaign insiders say that once filming wraps, McGrath's commercial is expected to air statewide, interrupting all UK Basketball games, the season finale of the Bachelor, the Bad Bunny Super Bowl Halftime Show, and even the WKYT First Alert Weather segments with Chris Bailey.

UPDATE: The FAA has advised local pilots to avoid the area “unless they are also running for Senate.”